The Drivers License

 THE HEADLINES:

THEN ONE DAY...

THEY DRIVE THEMSELVES.

Here's the funny thing about parenting... as you teach your kids... they teach you right back.  

Yep, it's happened.  My daughter gets her license.  Today.  It's a relief, it's terrifying, it's expensive, it's overwhelming, it's depressing, it's helpful... it's all the stuff.  And I'm having a bit of a nervous break down.  For many reasons.  This is very much the beginning of the end of her being our baby, in our house, under our roof, family of four.  

I'm pretty convinced the drivers license is designed to help prepare parents for what's to come.   They get that license, start moving around without you being there, they come and go as they please, until one day they go off to college.  Then they come home for Christmas, Spring break and Summer.  But after that, you barely see them. Unless you take them on some amazing trip.  Uh-huh. 

How do I know this?  Because I did it.  Think about it.   Bet you did too!  And this... is why I'm so sad about today.  Because part of my life is now over forever.  There's no going back.  Yesterday, for the first time, I watched baby videos of my little girl.  We have never done that.  I bawled.  I had to stop watching.  For a brief moment, it took me back... and I wanted to stay there.  I truly wanted to dive into that video and just "be" for a bit.  Such a beautifully, exhausting, messy moment in time that I want to go back into now.  If only...  

Instead, I have to embrace today.   

Today means, from here on out, she will go places and we will remain.  Here.  She can now go get that birthday present for her friend.  She can pick up her brother from baseball practice.  She can grab dinner on the way home.  She can drive to her job.  All of it, she can do, on her own.  There's no going back. Only looking forward.  

Is that a problem?  Not for her.  But for me it is - a little problematic.  You see, when they're in your car you have a captive audience.  They have to listen to you.  They can try to shut you out but really that's not possible.  This is the case every morning - when I take my kids to school.  For about 15-25 minutes (depending on the school and child), I get to deliver my own lesson plan.  I spout off things I read in my latest book or heard at a bible study.  I get to teach.  And they listen. It is when we do some of our best chatting.  I love it and I now crave it because it will, mostly, go away.  And that is painful.  It's treacherous really.  But it, once again, reminds me that I am still growing up with her.  There are still lessons to be learned here.  There will be plenty more.  Especially because, we never really stop learning unless we choose to stop.  Something we should never do by the way.  Once we choose to stop growing we may as well lay down and have someone throw dirt on us.  Cause it's over.  

I have to remind myself, the relationship between myself and my daughter is not over.  It is, however, morphing into a new stage.  A different stage.  A stage where trust becomes paramount and guidance takes the place of telling.  My child needs to know this is now up to her.  Mom and Dad will always catch her but now she has to throw the ball.  She has to determine where that ball is going and who she's chucking it toward...  Yes, now is the time to make her own way.  With God, myself and her Father by her side... while sitting back watching and learning.

As she starts to drive - I am not worried about her getting in trouble, buying too many coffees, coming home late, getting in an accident (well, yes, I'm worried about that one), eating too much fast food, driving too fast (ok maybe a little)... I am worried about something far more simple.  

Where did my little girl go?  Because it seems like she's gone.  

And the cold, harsh reality is... I already miss her.