One Picky Chick

The Headlines:

Is there anything about High School... that's easy?

I mean, For Moms?

Every night since my son was born, I would take him to bed.  My husband got to do this for my daughter as a baby (since I worked ridiculous early morning hours back then)...  but I was in charge of the night time parade for my little boy.  And a parade it was... filled with lots of pomp and circumstance, prayers, colors, smiles, songs, tears, maybe even some occasional marching!

Then, once safely tucked into his bed we did the same thing you did.  We read a couple books.  I still have some of our favs.  What special little books they were - remember Pete the Cat & his New White Shoes,  Snuggle Puppy, On the Night You Were Born, The Giving Tree or I'll Love you Forever?  Ahhhh, precious stuff.  Beautiful themes, rich stories, words that seemed to dance on the pages they were written.  Many of the stories I read kind of became a rhthymic song as the words tumbled out into our room. 

Then I would pray.  As the years went on... my son got really good at saying his own prayers.  This was his classic, very long run on sentence to open with:  

Dear God: thank you for Mommy, my Daddy, my sissy, my doggy, my grandmas, my grandpas... thank you for my Mommy, my Daddy, my sissy, my doggy,  my grandmas, my grandpa's FRIENDS - (then he'd get to the news of the day)  

The night time routine was followed and finished by 2 songs.   They were always: 

Jesus Loves Me (cause, duh)  

and 

You are my Sunshine, My only SONshine

(You probably know, but it continues):

You make me happy when skies are gray

You'll never know dear how much I love you

Please don't take my SONshine away...

  

But then I would add: 

Don't you dare take my sunshine away...

Don't even thiiiiiiiink about taking hiiiiiiiim away. 

Thanks for letting me reminisce.  No, my voice wasn't that good of course, but it didn't matter.  He loved it and so did I.  It made us both feel happy and safe. 

Here he is (as a two year old) singing his own rendition - of Jesus Love Me.  I happened to find it - just couldn't resist putting it here!  

The whole nightly process took at least 15-30 minutes.  It was a routine.  One that some days seemed exhausting because it just made an already long day, well, longer.  Then in like 6th grade, maybe a little before, it just stopped.  Not necessarily a bad thing, I was busy too - got a little more time in my day that way.   But as irony would have it (and often does) when things come to an end... that very thing is all that you want.  

Which is exactly the case for me and my SONshine... because he just started High School.  And while, yes, this is a very exciting and cool time...  it also kind of stings.  

And I am dying a little inside.  

You see, having my son was, honestly, one of my greatest accomplishments.  Since I had the hardest time conceiving him.  I did not have a problem with my daughter (in life actually too) but experienced "secondary fertility" issues with my son.  I fought long and hard until he, almost miraculously, appeared.  It's all HERE in a blog I wrote years ago.  I still get emails from people after they read it.  Today, I treasure everything about the process.  But then, man was it crushing.  

So as that little boy starts high school, I am struggling as he is soaring - the other day he mentioned some other kid (obviously older than him) said he could take him home if he ever needed it.  Seems cool,  nice offer.  But I almost felt like I got punched in the gut.  Because that is coming.  As high school goes on, he will need me less and less... and less.

While, perhaps, I need him more.

Yes, I know, I've been through this before.  I wrote about it when my daughter went to High School and Middle School and again when she graduated High School.  But through it all... I had him.  I was still in the thick of things with that kid.  And it was thick!  He was in like 4 sports and guitar all at once! My husband lived in another state for 3 years.  I did (still do) Real Estate.  My Mom came to live with us.  Yea, for a long time, I had lots of trouble keeping everything above water.  But now, it's different.

Which brings me to a weird moment in time - because while he's celebrating this new found teen hood, grown up spot that I'm pretty sure he's digging a bit... I'm pouring a little bit of my heart into a song from a time that has slipped away... for good. 

Which means I need to remember one of the most important lessons I teach my kids:  Struggle produces Strength.  So this struggle I'm in - will make me better.  Maybe you too. 

When my daughter went to high school, I wrote a letter, on this blog, to her.  

Now, I want to write a letter to me.  And the moms who are out there... maybe feeling a little like me too.

Dear High School Boy Mom, 

I know, it happened.  Does it feel odd?  Or is it a relief?  Maybe you're lonely or petrified? 

I'm not sure what I am... but I do know that I don't know what high school is like for a boy.  

It's so different because girls have pressure in high school to look good, perform in sports, go to the Prom with someone, drive a cool car, get good grades, know everyone, be everywhere.  

Wait, but so do boys.  Maybe it's not that different.  

But girls talk about their feelings more.  Which is sort of like a positive and a negative.  Sometimes I felt like my daughter would just ruminate in all of her feelings... and talking about them ad nauseam just reinforced the crazy.  Letting it out is good but sitting in the madness - can make you go MAD.  

Speaking of mad, it stinks because often times, boys believe, incorrectly, that the only acceptable feeling for them... is anger.  Which is so not good or true.  

So how are we going to deal with that?

Maybe stand by silently supporting is the answer.  It sure is the easiest thing to do.  Or perhaps getting him involved in 3 different sports, plus some clubs, student government and a job would do the trick?  Naaaaah. 

Guys, this is new, hard to maneuver terrain.  And we're adults who should know the answers but I'm pretty sure many adults - including us - are sometimes just as confused as our own children.  Like our children, emotional maturity escapes us.  Or at least some of us.

But as long as we know that... hey I say we're ahead of the game. 

So, I think we sit back, advise when asked and sometimes, when they don't ask.  We pick 'em up when they're down, punish 'em when they do something wrong and I definitely need to tell him to get off the phone once or twice a day (do you know teens really shouldn't be on any longer than 2 hours each day - for the sake of their mental health?  Seriously!)  We should drive them from place to place (especially church & practice), ask about homework, keep healthy food in the fridge, trust that they make mostly right decisions and hope for only a few bad ones.  

Because the time has come to slowly start letting go.   Not completely... but the beginning of... real growing up.

So, stand with me.  Or maybe hold me up.   I will be your kick stand if you'll be mine?  And together let's dive into this new fast motion reality whenever & wherever we can.  

See you there. 

Love, 

Nicole 

Job 32:6-8  I am young in years, and you are old; that is why I was fearful, not daring to tell you what I know.  I thought, age should speak; advanced years should teach wisdom (8) but it is the spirit in a person... and the breath of the almighty that gives them understanding.