Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Don't Be a MOM MARTYR!

The Headlines:

Be a fabulous Mom.

But don't look back years later and ask...

Where did I go?

As I stated in my last post I'm doing a "Periscope" challenge this month.  You broadcast live and support other broadcasts as much as possible.  If you're not sure what Periscope is and want to learn more or participate you can read about it HERE or HERE.  Anyways, I've already failed miserably at it since I really can't participate as much as I need to... it's just impossible being a busy Mom/CEO of my household.  But I do like trying... which brings me to this post.  The group has daily prompts which you can discuss.  You can talk about the topic or something else but today the prompt is BEST PIECE OF ADVICE.  What a question...?  There's really so much good advice in the world.
Think about it:

life life like it's your last day
don't judge
take a deep breath
your best is good enough
don't walk across the street when there's a car coming
graduate college
be bilingual
be yourself
cheaters never prosper
get a mammogram every year
do unto others
enjoy the moments
learn how to swim
don't be too hard on yourself
buy low, sell high
take lots of pictures
be respectful of your elders
don't wait too long to have kids
love them today, they may not be here tomorrow
winning isn't everything
make your own luck
check your priorities
start a savings account
always use sunscreen
use the rule of thirds when shooting photos

Yep, we've all heard plenty of advice over the years.  As kids... but especially as Moms.  For some reason, when one becomes a Mom everyone suddenly wants to give you advice.  Sometimes solicited - more often unsolicited.  And the best piece of advice you've gotten most surely depended upon the person who gave it, the way you reacted to it and the context it was in.

In my own life, no one officially gave me the Mom Martyr advice but I think it was almost an unspoken piece handed to me by my own Mother.  She quit her job when I was born, didn't continue many friendships, she didn't have many hobbies... but she was a really good Mom.  Ring a bell?  Lots of Moms tend to lose themselves in their families.  We Moms focus very much on our children, our homes, our husband and sometimes the last to consider... is woman at the center of it all.  You.  They say one either does exactly what their parents did, the opposite or conscientously picks and chooses something in between.  Therefore I believe: Being a Mom doesn't make you a Martyr.

Or at least it shouldn't.

Everyone knows Mom Martyrs.  They're wonderful people.  Fabulous actually.  And they're incredibly busy, in fact they're always moving and shaking, until their kids go to college.  Then they look around and suddenly realize... they have nothing left.  They ask, "Who am I?"  "Who are we?" (as a couple)  Sometimes they don't know.  Often times they're lost.  The feeling is agonizing and a bit tragic.  Maybe a little scary too.

For many Moms, it happens even before they realize it.  It's like that FROG in BOILING WATER again!  They forget about hopes, husbands, for sure their hair and the house of their dreams!?!!  Because they're too busy being a passionate Mom.

Don't get me wrong... being a MOM is a huge responsibility and it's not to be taken lightly.  But if one loses themself... what kind of message is that sending their child?  Ultimately, not a good one.

I once had a "friend" who had the nerve to say to me I wasn't very "into" my child compared to her other friends.  This was back when I was working and had a Nanny.  I would go to an occasional massage, dinner, vacation without my daughter and she thought that was wrong.  Never mind she wasn't a mother, but when I gathered my wits again (since my chin was still lying on the floor) I told her doing those things were some of the best things I could do for my daughter since it was only strengthening myself and my marriage.  And I still believe that.

My children mean the world to me.  The world and I would do anything, absolutely anything for them!  But I matter too.  Life must slow down as a Mom - yes - but it shouldn't stop completely.  Those that do that... the Moms who Martyr themselves, someday, will surely regret it.  They'll look back and wonder... where did I go?

I'm more than willing to put my life to the side, because that's what I signed up for, but give it up completely?  No thanks.  Then we all lose.  Including them.  And don't forget about the husband.  I dread the day I go to dinner with BP (the husband) and we have NOTHING to talk about.   And because I dread it... I'll make sure it doesn't happen.

But the fix is simple.  While tending to kids in these busy, crazy, fun days... take a moment to tend to Mom too.  Remember who the person in the mirror was before kids, during kids and who she wants to be after they ride off into the sunset (or at least go away to college).  

Because you're a good Mom... you just don't have to die while trying.

There in lies the best piece of advice I've ever gotten.  That and always have a bottle of wine and whipping cream in the fridge!

Check out the SCOPE I did on this subject! And thanks ahead of time!


  1. Great points! You are totally a SUPER MOM!

  2. I saw this scope and this is why I'm here. I loved this because I fell into the 'my kid is everything' for a while and have come out the other side. I work hard to find a balance and reading this (and seeing your scope) gave me a bit of strength to continue working on it.

    Sarah - Ruffles and Rain Boots

  3. So SO important to take care of Mom too!

  4. Oh my goodness, yes!! I think to be the best moms we can be we absolutely need to do things for ourselves and make time for the things we enjoy and love. As you mentioned, it is good to model for our children as well. I take my role as mom very seriously, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop being me. Thanks for sharing, Nicole, and thought your scope was great!

    1. right... never stop being you - i fully believe your kids will appreciate it in the long run!

  5. "I'm more than willing to put my life to the side, because that's what I signed up for, but give it up completely? No thanks. Then we all lose. Including them."

    NICOLE I LOVE This - So true. This is a GREAT post! i'm sad I'm just seeing it now!


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