Monday, August 8, 2016

First Day of Kindergarten

The Headlines:

As a Mom there is lots to look forward to...

and a few things to dread.  

Which one is this?

Ironically, sometimes the things you look forward to - are the same things you dread.  You know what I mean?  Think about it... there's actually a lot of irony in motherhood.  It starts the moment those beautiful bundles are born.

A Mother gives birth and the baby you wanted so badly to hear is making you crazy with their cry! A Mom stops breastfeeding but yearns for closeness.  Toddlers begin to walk and all they do is get into everything.  They start to sleep through the night but the Mother wakes up just to make sure their baby is breathing.  Parents want kids to read but miss telling bedtime stories (still do it)!  Mom has a personal side kick for years but starting one August they leave for most of the day.

This is where we're at in our house.

Today was the first day my little boy went to Kindergarten.  We were all ready for it.  He was climbing up the walls during these last 2 weeks of Summer.  I was on the roof thinking about jumping off.  But then, the night before the day came,  I looked back on that day and every day since he was born and all I could remember was perfection.  That loving, sweet and angelic baby is now going to school and leaving me behind in my misery and loneliness (never mind I have a million things to do which I've been putting off for about 8 weeks - even though my husband's not sure that I do anything at all each and every day)!  None of that matters now.  He's starting school.

And the rest of his life.  It's lightening speed from here Mommy.

I will also warn you if it's your last or first child going to Kinder, there's a huge difference.

My daughter first left for school five long years ago (and though I love her just the same) I was practically pushing her out because I had this incredibly needy baby at home that I had to take care of... there weren't many tears back then.  Just relief.  But your last child starting their long "academic journey" is different.  Because life for you, on so many levels changes too.  No longer will you be going to Target with your little one on a Tuesday morning at 10:00.  You will do that all alone now.  You will have more time to think about what's for dinner.  You'll be able to walk into a gym.  You can even start a new career.  Well, hopefully.  If you want.  I wrote about that a few months ago HERE.  But see, that's the point.  Today, you, as a Mother now have a few more choices.  Choices you didn't have yesterday.  And while in this moment you may long for last week... tomorrow is full of new and exciting possibilities.

After all, there are many more Motherhood ironies that lie ahead.  My children will still drive me crazy as they follow me around the house until they want nothing to do with me.  I will continue to be annoyed that I'm a personal taxi until they turn 16 and I can't protect them anymore.  They will want to eat dinner with their friends until one day they'll ask to come home and eat with you.  We'll want them to find someone to love... until they actually get married.  I wrote about that HERE a few years ago (being replaced someday will KILL me)!  I may even say I need grand kids... but I won't want to be a "grandmother"!  It's all very ironic.

So cry a little now.  Then wipe those tears and start living Mama.  Life has changed forever and there's no going back.  That baby is in the big leagues now and he can't wait for what lies in front of him.  And inside, some where, maybe deep down... neither can you.

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